I was raised Southern Baptist, okay?! I’m not sure why I felt obligated to say that up front or why this topic makes me so tense. I’m a worshiper,  in fact, it was listening to “worship” music that I remembered from more than 20 years prior that was partially responsible for the end of my lengthy prodigal run. God intervened directly in my life — that was unmistakable — but I was left with this question: Which God intervened directly in my life? Bad experiences in Christian church buildings had contributed to my disenchantment with God so I was prejudiced against this God being that God, the Christian God.

I made a CD of some old Christian songs that I remembered, mostly simple choruses and hymns, and noticed that ;my heart would soar listening to them. Now I knew that it was that God after all. I would listen to this music when I was driving alone and often raised my available right hand. This was noteworthy because I was not a hand raiser in my youth.

When I finally worked up the nerve to walk into a church building again, I walked into a building full of hand raisers. I did not want to conform at any level because I still held some bitterness toward Christian congregations, I, of course would not raise my hands. I assumed that anyone who did desperately needed attention and I despised them.

I had a dilemma, I found that raising my hands was a spontaneous expression of worship for me but I did not want to appear to be “one of those”, whatever “those” are. I sought seats at the rear of the congregation so I could raise my hands at will and yet make it clear to everyone else that I did not need attention. This felt disingenuous — I use that word because it sounds much better than “fraud-like” or its dreaded twin “hypocritical”. I’m not sure why I was surprised that holding strong resentment toward Christians in general and hand raisers in particular impeded my worship. It took me months to unravel this truth while I repeatedly tried to reconcile the difference between the spontaneous, unfettered Richard and the uptight, contemptuous one.

Now I raise my hands when I feel it and don’t when I don’t. I most often raise just my right hand, bending it at the elbow over and over in celebratory praise. Of course, if you are new to our local congregation, this appears a great deal like a really big guy angrily shaking his fist at God. I’ll call this “cognitive dissonance” because it sounds more Christian than “frightening the children”.

I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. \o/

Psalm 63:4

We’ve got your back but who has your head?

Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him [her].”
Selah

But you are a shield around me, O LORD;
you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

Psalms 3:2-3 NIV

Update: Hetty Smiles! 8/31/10

Thank you to the large group that prayed and continues to pray Hetty through these complications. Let’s lift her up.

Roman emperor Flavius Claudius Julianus (361-363), or Julian the Apostate, attempted to fight off the rapid growth of Christianity in Rome in favor of the pagan worship of Zeus. Even with the backing of the emperor, the pagan priests were frustrated by their lack of progress relative to the Christians as Julian lamented in his “Letter to Arsacius” (360):

For it is disgraceful when no Jew is a beggar and the impious Galileans [the name given by Julian to Christians] support our poor in addition to their own …

Jews and Christians were known for taking care of their own poor and disenfranchised, regardless of whether the poor shared their beliefs.

At the end of every three years, bring all the tithes of that year’s produce and store it in your towns, so that the Levites (who have no allotment or inheritance of their own) and the aliens, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied, and so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. ~ Deuteronomy 14:28-9 NIV

Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor. In your hearts do not think evil of each other. ~ Zechariah 7:10 NIV

Are believers still known for this kind of charity today? Why or why not?

On December 23, 2009, the Reece’s Rainbow family and the whole world lost a true Christian champion for orphans with special needs. Derek Loux, who together with his wife Renee adopted three of our children from Ukraine, was killed in a tragic car accident during a snowstorm in Nebraska. Derek was my friend. I never met him in person, nor Renee, but I grieve his loss so deeply and so personally. The idea that he is no longer on this Earth is so hard to bear. He was so full of life, energy, and love for the Lord….truly an inspiration to so many. But he leaves a true LEGACY, a torch that has been lit and must be carried, for the advocacy and rescue of orphans with Down syndrome and other special needs around the world. Reece’s Rainbow as a ministry and a *family* fully intends to continue his work.

Derek was a talented and famous Christian musician and singer, as well as a worship minister, orphan advocate, adoptive father, brother, husband, and friend. He traveled the world many times over to reach out to those in need, and to advocate for these children. You can follow their family’s ministry at www.louxfamilyblog.com As I sit and listen to his CD “Paper Religion, 2007″, the depth of his love for the Lord is astonishing and so obvious in his music. Grief for my own loss of Derek Loux is so self-serving…if you listen to his words, you will know he spent every minute wishing for a meeting with Jesus. And now he has it.

Derek and Renee lost a biological son to spina bifida when he was only 2 years old. They have two biological teen daughters, four adopted teen daughters, one adopted younger daughter with special needs, and our three angel boys, Sasha, Ethan, and Silas. The change and growth in these boys, now that they are home can only be explained as God-thing. They are a true testament to what love and adequate care can mean for a child with special needs. But they never even got to spend their first Christmas with the loving father they had waited for so long to save them.

The Loux family began the Josiah Fund, their own ministry to purchase land and build a huge home to adopt and restore 30 orphans with special needs from around the world. From Renee on January 1, 2010: “All I’ve been doing besides grieving Derek’s death is praying that Reece’s Rainbow and Josiah Fund would have great platforms to spread the word on behalf of adoption. Derek’s death will not be in vain. The torch that’s been lit will not go to the grave with his earthly body. It’s going to keep burning and we will be sure that it gets passed from family to family. This is the beginning, sister of mine! We’re going to continue to link arms together and save the children.”

Even in this time of great loss, Renee displays a strength and grace that I could not even begin to measure up to.

Your gift to our own Derek Loux Memorial Fund will be presented as one large gift to the Loux family’s Josiah Fund on February 1, 2010. Please share this opportunity with others you know! Join me in letting the Loux family know that they are very much a part of our OUR family here at Reece’s Rainbow.

Tax deductible donations can be made via check to:

Reece’s Rainbow
PO Box 4024
Gaithersburg, MD 20885

I recently visited the house that I grew up in and was surprised to find it in good shape and part of a nice neighborhood. Why was I surprised? There was well-manicured green grass in the front yard, supplanting the barren brownness we left behind. The fences were upright in the back yard, no longer nearly doubled over from the many times we jumped it in pursuit of an errant baseball. The many dents  were now removed from the aluminum siding of the house. I was easing into the idea that it had been us, my family, that gave the neighborhood it’s grisly exterior back then.

My brothers and I were also the ones seated in the front pews at church, the ones whose mom had to constantly “shush” them. We drew stick figures and played tic tac toe to push away the boredom of the service. Did we stain our local church services the way we had stained our block?

We were raised by a single working mom, all of us heartbroken by the abandonment of the man of the house. We spoke of nothing, rarely engaged one another in any fashion and lived lives of quiet avoidance. We tip toed around the thousand-pound gorilla of abandonment — we would have at least complained about the smell and the lack of space but we didn’t speak at all.

This was the story of a house full of children gone wrong. The casual observer could see this in the stains we trailed behind us, crying out on our behalf that something was amiss.

And then it was Christmas Eve, excitement abounded and sleep was unattainable. We shouted from our back bedroom, desperately pleading for our mom to update us on the status of Santa’s sleigh, now appearing on the radar of our local television channel. Tomorrow would be Christmas and that meant new, unstained clothes and toys and baseballs, so different than us. They represented hope of who we might one day be, hope of renewal, a chance for a clean start, a reboot.

People were different at Christmas, too, more vigorous, more optimistic and friendlier. These unstained attitudes also represented hope, hope of escape, hope of a better way than the ways we knew.

As you shopped, when you distributed presents, when you gathered up the Christmas paper, tags and ribbons, was someone watching you? Did they see hope in you and your actions? Did their wounded hearts quicken to the images and actions you displayed?

If you were impatient when searching for a parking spot and standing in line, did you see a group of young children watching you, no parent in sight? Did they see hope in you?

Jesus gave His life to redeem us, to give us hope. Will you give a leg up and a smile to someone who needs it? Would you be aware that the neighbor you are to love might live in the downtrodden house right next to you or be in a long line right next to you?

Shake a hand, wish someone “Merry Christmas!”, smile … give a child hope.

Last night I interview my personal friend and longtime go-to prayer warrior Debbie @buffaloPine. I’ve known Debbie long enough to know that her difficult and brave journey to recovery from multiple personality disorder (MPD) while closely embracing her Lord, resulted in a very unique individual with very distinct characteristics, she is a prayer savant. I’ve long thought that those with difficult journeys through physical and/or sexual and/or emotional abuse know God in a way that others cannot. Debbie is proof of that, proof of God’s divine mercy amidst the worst that man can offer. Listen to this interview and hear a voice once silenced by abuse speak freely and publicly. You’ll embrace her journey like so many others. You can also follow Debbie’s journey through her blog.

Debbie shared on Twitter at Tworship Indoors on November 17, 2009 (a flash video).

The following are excerpts from the “chat” from the group of 18 who watched the interview live with my notes to set context for the remarks:

During the discussion of early abuse and you feeling God’s presence at 3 years old:

koala4christ : The need for Him draws you closer to Him
koala4christ : Because you drew closer to Him you found Him as the scriptures promise…

In response to my observation that you don’t always see yourself accurately, you said you feel unworthy when you hear compliments:

charwalt : I think unworthy is key word
Marie (spreadingJOY) : many of us feel unworthy
charwalt : Yes!
koala4christ : ok thanks
Marie (spreadingJOY) : growing&talking about this has got to be so very difficult
koala4christ : Thank you Debbie for the courage you had to speak up!
charwalt : She helps me to understand my step daughter who went thru some of same things.
koala4christ : Thank you for sharing from your heart with us!

During our discussion of your prayer prowess and closeness to God:

Marie (spreadingJOY) : she is an amazing prayer warrior!!
soundsblue : love you Deb
yeah amen!!! i agree!!
_Joyful_J : )
koala4christ : You are a beautiful creation and I am so happy to have heard your testimony!

During our discussion of your blog, your journey and your remarkable writing skills:

charwalt : Wonderful writer
Marie (spreadingJOY) : yes!
charwalt : Holy Spirit written
Onassignment : Amen on the blog. It is awesome and very touching & beautiful!

After my final “thank you” for sharing:

@GodsWordisTruth : Thank You!
hospiceRN1 : broken and definit ely BEAUTIFUL!!!!!
charwalt : God bless Debbie!!
Marie (spreadingJOY) : yippie
koala4christ : Amen!
Marie (spreadingJOY) : amen!!
charwalt : Amen!!
hospiceRN1 : thank you so VERY much!!!!!
ckkohnle : Amen!
hospiceRN1 : Much to admire!!!!!!!
Marie (spreadingJOY) : Debbie – I LOVE YOU
koala4christ : Amen!
MrsMcProdigal : Thank You Debbie!!
Onassignment : Thanks, Debbie!
Marie (spreadingJOY) : yep
Marie (spreadingJOY) : thanks Richard for this idea
MrsMcProdigal : )
hospiceRN1 : am honored….
sharritiner : Thhanks Debbie
DavidBean777 : Thank you so much for sharing your heart and soul.
revelation4dumy : thanks Debbie
Onassignment : BuffaloPine Coffee someday?
koala4christ : Yes I did not know!
Marie (spreadingJOY) : coffe?? whahoo
hospiceRN1 : yes…broken and DEFINITELY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!
Marie (spreadingJOY) : yeppers
Onassignment : YES!
MrsMcProdigal : I’m having some now!
Marie (spreadingJOY) : bring it on!!
DavidBean777 : Remember God did not make a mistake when he made you. He loves you just the way you are.

Selah

June 11, 2009

I gained a new Twitter follower, she was one of several hundred at the time. I liked her Twitter moniker and teased her about it. We interacted no more or less than average until she sent me an encouraging note not quite a week later. I get a lot of these from Christians who have gone prodigal for some period of time, so I was not surprised that she identified herself as a prodigal returned after an absence of two years.

I began asking her about her journey, as is my custom with prodigals, and she quickly said that she loved her church. I was doing a poll at the time about people’s experiences and views of their church so I fired question after question at her. She fielded them gracefully and honestly so I asked her to check out my story at http://ProdigalReturns.com hoping she might give me input. I created the website and shared my own prodigal journey months before, but I wasn’t getting any traffic or input.

June 29, 2009 noon

My new follower completed my survey of attitudes and experiences in the local church and shot me an email from the site saying that she loved her church and felt like love separated it from many others. However, she did not always feel love herself, she wasn’t sure she was the kind of girl that belonged in church. She was really nice so I wondered why she would feel that way.

June 29, 2009 1:24pm

Something happened … she said she read my story and thought it was amazing. She thanked me for sharing so openly, said her hands had begun to shake and she knew it was “weird” but she had the feeling that she could trust me, whom she had never seen, as she trusted Jesus, who was unseen.

What followed was a Spirit-inspired avalanche as her entire being gave up every skeleton, ghost and impedance she had carried for more than 25 years. I know well what the weight of this kind of burden feels like, she was right in the middle of discovering God’s deep cleaning. I was stunned as the torrent of email after email prayer naming the one who had done her wrong and releasing the burden of unforgiveness and shame, concluding each email with a note forgiving that person and praying that God would save them. Less forgiving, in each case I replied with a prayer of agreement but changed each ending to ask God to save them or kill them.

With the release of each harrowing burden, I could see her demeanor and her language change. As God lifted her up and away from each, she began to pour the fruit of the Spirit into every tweet and every communication. You may know her, I am obliged to leave her unnamed.

She’s easy to spot, she’s one of the most influential Christians on Twitter. God set her on fire and she burns as brightly today as she did on June 29, when everything was changed as the Spirit moved through her. She reminds me that she still burns for her Jesus almost every time she comes on to Twitter with a poignant but simple Tweet, always the same: #Jesus . My response, always the same: #GodWins. If you ever see Mr. Sheepykins (pictured top right), know that she is lurking nearby, laughing at my expense.

The irony is that she blesses me everyday, the student is now the master. You go, girl, you go. You are proof that all things work together for our good, even the ugliest and most regrettable moments are masterfully weaved into a mighty tapestry by He who loves entirely and rescues the broken.

In a vain attempt to dim this bright light for Jesus, the enemy has attacked her and left her with few worldly goods. She sold those and gave the money to her children so they could find a place to live. One of her children is within a few months of graduating high school, two more have already graduated. As it stands today, this family is going to split up in order to find accommodations.

A fund exists to help this family and they need the help right now. Please prayerfully consider helping and please circulate this blog post on Twitter and Facebook, and on your own blogs. I personally vouch for this real need and have prayed with her for God to intervene now and not compromise her witness and His glory. Thank you for sharing in her journey, in any way God leads by visiting here:

The Tweeple Fund

I’m an urban male and a technology guy, so you can imagine my delight when Nancy volunteered in a group Bible study that she raised sheep. Sheep aren’t even suburban, they’re rural I’m thinking as Nancy shares and they’re decidedly low tech. Sheep are also a very important Biblical metaphor for how God relates to man. In the parable of the lost sheep, Jesus describes how far a shepherd will go to recover a single lost sheep.

It was once reported that the stock market “reeled” when then Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan made “off the cuff” remarks to a reporter about it. Shepherd Nancy uttered soft sentence after soft sentence while shaking her head and gesturing wildly with her hands for emphasis; I reeled. Each truth opened up the sheep metaphor like a child ripping at their long awaited Christmas present. Like a child the experience seemed entirely mine. There was only me in the room hanging on every word with my mouth agape and forgetting to breath as the Spirit whipped through me. This can’t be! It so obvious and yet so profound! It’s like Algrebra, I listened perplexed and then I got it. Once I got it, I had it forever.

What did Shepherd Nancy say?

1. Sheep are way more stupid than you think.

I took this one like a left uppercut to the jaw rattling my teeth. I am way more stupid than I think. Relative to the Shepherd I am as nothing. This meant two things to me. First, the stupid manner in which other sheep acted and I responded that led to my long prodigal run is okay, not ideal, but okay. Secondly, no matter how high or low are my stores of talent, wit, IQ or perseverance, they are but nothing compared to the Shepherd. Shall I argue with another sheep over which is swifter or brighter? We’re all dependent on the Shepherd, it matters how swift and how crafty He is!

2. The first thing you do with a new sheep is teach it the Shepherd’s voice.

U.S. Treasury agents are taught to detect a counterfeit $20 bill by becoming experts at recognizing an authentic $20 bill. There are many ways to counterfeit the bill, but there’s only one authentic version of it. Sheep instinctively accept only one voice as their master’s voice, all others are assumed to the voice of an enemy. Teeth rattled by the stupidity of sheep as taught by the Spirit, this was a body blow that robbed me of my breath. Of course, the Shepherd’s voice is the Word of God! I need only keep my ear near it so I know I’m in the right pen. My master’s voice (the Word) is also the sword of the Spirit, the Shepherd’s rod and staff, His weapons that protect me. The fight is His not mine. I need not become an expert on the many voices of the many enemies, I need only listen for my Shepherd’s voice.

3. When sheep are alarmed, they run until they’re completely exhausted. They are then defenseless, exhausted to the point of being incapable of defending themselves in any way. The Shepherd must go to the sheep and carry it back to the pen.

This was the knockout blow, a left to the side of my head that put me down. As a young minister, I became so alarmed when I was thrown out of one church and then the next that I turned and ran. I did not stop running until I was completely exhausted 27 years later. Even then, I sought no help from God, I couldn’t. I was exhausted and my legs were shaking, I was completely defenseless. Of course I wasn’t seeking, I could do nothing but shake and gasp for air. My Shepherd picked me up and carried my near lifeless body on his shoulders back to the safety He provided. I would not understand this amazing experience until a couple of years later when my Shepherd placed me back into my pen and I knew only then that I was home and in range of His comforting voice.

4. A sheep that has wandered off and been rescued, never wants to leave the side of his rescuer. The sheep will follow the shepherd underfoot everywhere he goes and right up to the front door for the rest of his life.

I know the terror of living outside the pen, so I understand how grand is the pen and that all praise and thankfulness goes to the Shepherd who is worthy of all my love and trust. Why would I want to be anywhere else? It’s now about a year since my Master placed me back in the pen, three or more since He carried me on His shoulder and I cry every time I enter a building that contains my fellow sheep. The contrast between fearful helplessness and the rapture of placing all my gratitude at His feet and acknowledging the worthiness of my Shepherd is overwhelming. He is holy, that is wholly separate from the sheep in ability and understanding that He willingly gives back for the good purpose of His sheep.

The Spirit-provided tour through the Biblical sheep metaphor both knocked me out and carried me to deeper comprehension of who I am and who God is. Everywhere you see me, somewhere near me is a picture of one or more sheep to remind me of how stupid and dependent I am and where my confidence is best placed.

I thought this song was appropriate for these thoughts:
You Raise Me Up – Selah  “I am strong when I am on your shoulders … ”

I was concerned about some things that are happening with myself, with friends and with online friends. I told my wife last night that if we took a snapshot right now and scored the events, it looks like there’s a lot of spiritual movement and the bad guys are winning hands down. So I lay down on my back on my bed and closed my eyes.

My mind wandered from the task at hand so I opened my eyes and looked down toward my feet. I see something blurry nearer a dresser past my feet against that wall. Then the blur becomes a scene as if someone was focusing a camera. Once focused it was hi-def clear — it was a familiar tree from our backyard with a familiar number of stars against a black sky. I see one star just above the top of the tree become a shooting star, scratching a perfect bright white line straight up and then burning out.

I blink and the scene is gone, I think “Yeah, right.” I then start to open and close my eyes, squint, change angles, all in an attempt to reproduce the picture but nothing. I am overwhelmed with the feeling that something important is happening either right at that moment or today. That feeling stays with me and I begin contacting people about it. I think this must be a positive sign. We’re to “shine like stars in the universe as we hold out the word of life” (Php 2).

I pray that God if this is a sign that something very important and positive is going to happen to me that He not do it. I asked God to let the cup pass me in favor of my friends in greater need.

Several things happened today that I will report back on with comments to this post. Is one of those things THE thing. Are all of them? Did something big happen today in the lives of the people I asked God to help?

More coming …

There are three major wins in this group, one medical, one job and one financial gain. There’s more to do but “wow”, thank you Jesus. The number went from two to three this morning when one of the people I prayed for (above) received great financial news in the form of a job for her dad. She’s thanking Jesus and so am I.

A group of tweeps including myself have suggested the Sunday Twitter Challenge. To be successful at this challenge you do the following:

1. Do not get on Twitter, do not tweet on Sunday.

2. Use the time you would normally spend on Twitter to do things that further God’s kingdom:

Spend time in God’s Word or reading books that expound it
Spend time building family relationships
Spend communal time in prayer, worship and learning (church)

Add a comment to this post to sign up, then sometime next week add another comment to share how God used the time to build you and yours up.